Vasectomy - Are you thinking of getting one?
Vasectomy - Is it your time?
Are you thinking about a vasectomy? Is your wife or girlfriend pushing you towards it?
When I had my vasectomy, the average price was about $300. The actual time the doctor spent was about 15-minutes or less; a nurse does the rest. This procedure is sold as one of the best methods of birth control, which it is. What is an interesting fact is that only responsible people consider this procedure, or any other means of birth control for that matter. Irresponsible people; the trash of society continues to breed like flies which is the reason for the mass decline in human intelligence. When a doctor does this procedure, he is most concerned with how many he can do, not the quality. You will find this true with most medical professionals; the overall objective is MONEY. They all want to have the million dollar practice, and in this case, your nuts are the key!
The Facts and the Lies
Sort the bullshit from the facts; heed this advice:
First the Bullshit:
- In and out in 30-minutes, no big deal. BULLSHIT
- You can go right back to work the same afternoon or the next day. BULLSHIT
- Do it on Friday so you can be back to work on Monday. BULLSHIT
- It will be the best decision you ever made. BULLSHIT
Now the Facts:
- When the doctor starts towards your nuts with those snippers, your dick is going to try to crawl up your ass and hide.
- You're going to be out in 30-minutes, but you're going to be walking like you have a huge fragile egg between your legs that you don't want to break.
- You won't be going anywhere or doing anything for a week, so plan accordingly. Don't get stupid and stress yourself, your nuts will pay the price.
- You won't be setting your foot down hard for six months, so do it in the winter if you do it at all.
- Just before you go to the doctor, pack a cooler with ice (ice enclosed in zip lock bags), and a weeks supply of your favorite beverages. Make sure you have the television remote, and plenty of snacks within easy reach. You will not want to get off the couch for a week.
- The ice in the zip lock bags makes it easy to ice down your big blue balls which you will want to do regularly.
- Don't be surprised when you blow your first load if it has a red tint to it, this is normal.
The Side Effects, that is: The Bad Stuff
This is the stuff they don't tell you:
- Your nut sack is going to swell up and look like a big blue tennis ball.
- When the Doctor, pulls that piece of spaghetti out of that little hole he just made in your sack to clip it, it is going to feel like it goes up through your gut and is hooked to your teeth even though local anesthetic has been used. You will know he pulled it.
- There are little blood vessels which encircle this spagetti sized tube, and the doctor cannot separate those; as a result they all get clipped. This causes some internal bleeding which in somewhat rare cases causes a hematoma (blood clot) the size of a large marble. Your body will dissolve this clot in time.
- When the doctor pulls on the tube to get it out enough to cut, fold, and staple, in some cases this causes a rupture where the tube attaches to the nut. This causes extreme pain which will NEVER go away. You will either have to live with pain for the rest of your days, or you will have to get the tube completely detached from your nut. Yes, another more in depth surgery and swollen nuts again.
- In a very high percentage of cases, although your interest in sex will remain, your ability to maintain a stiff may dwindle. If I find out why I'll post it here, as it is I think it has to do with a low hormone situation.
- Although argued by most medical professionals, some believe that the likelihood of developing a prostrate problem or even prostrate cancer at a later date is much higher for those who have had a vasectomy.
The Good Part - about a Vasectomy
If there's a good part, this is it:
- Although your first few loads will still contain sperm, after this has been depleted you can bone your wife or girl friend with no contraceptives. This may open the door to spontaneity to some extent if you can keep your dick stiff.
- If you're single and a bar hound, you don't have to worry about knocking some broad up if you had the habit of riding bare back. You must remember though that 1-in-4 females has an STD, whether she knows it or not. Many times they don't know, and even if they did, they don't care near as much after they've swigged down a few drinks; she just wants your dick. You must remember that if she is riding you tonight; she rode the dude on the other bar stool the lastnight; and 1-in-5 males has an STD, whether he knows it or not.
- FYI, more females have STDs because sexually transmitted diseases are more easily transmitted from men to women than from women to men (per the CDC).
Although the cost and the process for a woman to get her tubes tied as opposed to a man getting his done is more complicated, and more costly; the side effects and the likelihood of complications are much lower for the woman.
Now the Facts:
If your wife or girlfriend is pushing you to get your nuts clipped, tell her to piss off, and get hers done instead; tell her to leave you alone. You and your nuts will be very happy that you stood up to her this time. A raincoat is better than a clipping any day of the week!!!